i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
