Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can I color on your dick again?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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