Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
