So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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