you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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