I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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