please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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