I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
