Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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