dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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