Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
