thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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