he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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