I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
