why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
