shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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