his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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