Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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