1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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