I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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