I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
