Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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