He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
