I think i peed on brittanys purse
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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