I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
