Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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