She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
