she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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