i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
