i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
