my being single is dangerous.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
