I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
nutella sex= disaster
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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