You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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