Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
