6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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