He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
