I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
