I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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