even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This beer is not sobering me up at all
did i walk over a car last night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
