I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
