you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
