I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
