pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
