I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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