I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
