At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if only i could text you this smell
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
