where am i from again
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Randomize
