Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
