please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
