It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
