I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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